Ok, well everyday on my trip to the city there are countless people who come onto the train begging for money. They yell there sob story about how they have children to feed or they are a war veteran or simply they just want a beer (i always give money to that guy). Here are two of my favorite beggars.
One who I see every once and a while toting around her child saying she has fallen on hard times and needs money to cloth and feed her children. First of all why bring your child around, for proof? Lady your going to lose your kid quicker to child services if you bring her around saying that your dirt poor and can’t feed them. Second, get a job. Third, they have shelters for people to get them back on the right track find one. I seen her probably 4-5 times over a 8 month period. It bothers me. Get help from a shelter. Your the reason why everyone blasts there iPods so they don’t have to hear your sob story.
The second one is my favorite guy .. I drop him some change every once and a while. His story is as follows: He lost his sight about 10 years ago. He looks like he is in his thirties. Thing is I don’t really believe he is blind or completely blind like he says. I have reached out to give him change without saying anything once or twice to only have him dip his cup down a little in my direction to my outstretched hand. Here is my plan, next time I see him I plan on pulling him aside and making his day. I will ask him to guess how many fingers I am holding up 1-2 or 3. Just for playing he gets a consilation prize of $1, now he if guesses right he gets $5. Is this mean? Someone said yes but come on $5 if he wins buys him a subway sub and a drink. I wish someone would make my day and play that game with me. Win, Lose or Draw he is winning money. I think I’m going to become the Subway Bob Barker. This is what he looks like: (sorry for the quality I used paint at work)
None the less if the guy gets angered I even brought this game up to him I’m sure I can side step his stray punches and hope he punches another subway rider. Then the fun really ensues.
Yes, I am going to hell but hey you gotta enjoy life and shake it up a little. I’ll let you know how my project works out. Hopefully I can record it on my camera.
Thank you Peter Griffin for your inspiration for this new topic about what bothers you in todays world. I can easily go on for weeks about things that really bother me. In my travels to work everyday from Long Island to Downtown Manhattan I come across tons of things that rub me the wrong way or in Peters words “grinds my gears”. While frequenting many bars and different parties I can come up with tons of material. So let’s start … here is the first official DirtyDalerz.com ….
My first topic is girls wearing white pants in the summer, oh wait I’m not done, not only are you wearing pants that are more then kinda see-through your also wearing a DIFFERENT color thong to accompany those white beauties. At first your normal guy instinct comes into play and you cannot keep your eye off of this Eight Wonder of the World. Then after seconds of thinking the dirtiest thoughts imaginable, like how bad you would abuse that ass and use her thong for floss. You look down and that tingling sensation you had in your pants has now turned into a huge Hard-on. Cool time for the Up-Tuck. Now I know what your thinking “Ok! I caught a hard-on from looking at a girls ass & least its not some dudes ass” but then you come back to reality and your standing on the train while this girl is in front of you and 3 people are looking at you have this HUGE meat pole standing at attention (this isn’t from personal experience I swear.. really) its really not cool. What grinds my gears is .. Girls please wear white underwear when trying to accomplish this feat of wearing white almost see-through pants or I will accidentally spill my Poland spring bottle on your ass so you WILL be the center of attention a little bit more. Footnote: The Whales Tail is ‘OK’ and always fun to look at, and is encouraged. Oh here is an example of the White Pants I’m talking about:
Courtesy of the movie Superbad
Another thing that REALLY grinds my gears is guys wearing Capri pants. Seriously when your adopting womens style for your own your a flaming homo. It’s bad enough there are gay guys out there wearing these capris ONLY because they went shopping with there hetero ‘girlfriends’ and bought them at the store ‘5-7-9′ but do you really have to go out and buy MALE Capris? This like guidos wearing parachute pants .. they were shunned from all male existence. I mean only one person can pull it off M.C. Hammer of course and that is only because he is ‘2 legit to quit’ (then lose millions supporting his entourage, then going on the Surreal Life) for that I give him a pass for it. But, If I catch another male wearing Capri pants out somewhere I will seriously kick him in the balls so hard that the only thing he will have left is a vagina. This goes for the fag who plays tennis Rafael Nadal “pictured below” … I am coming for you and your balls are not safe (no homo). So if you find yourself mistakenly purchasing Capri Pants do mankind a favor cut them to resemble regular shorts … please.
That ends this weeks “What really grinds my Gears” if you would like to submit a subject an a rant e-mail me at bcinelli[at]gmail.com , look for more things to come from dirtydalerz.com headquarters.
When you think about Dipping a Lip you think manlyness, baseball and cowboys. You ever wonder what if girls dip a lip. Watch and see how funny this video is. They keep the lip in for no more then a minute. Troopers of course but they need to start packing some big ol’ Lips. It’s very attractive when girls man up and do man things to proove there toughness. They get respect from me.