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GMG: Why Do you Leave the Stickers on your Hat?

Wednesday, 24 Jun 2009- Written by

It’s been quite a while since I have gone off on a rant about one of the million things that bother me with this world we live in. I am not a whiney bitch; instead I keep to myself and converse with friends about things and relate to each other about the topic. Now this topic might as well be biggest unsolvable mystery of them all, and I think I have an answer.

Why do people leave the retail stickers ON their hats?


Before you start thinking it’s a ‘black’ thing, seriously it’s not. I would have to say I see an equal to maybe even greater amount of white kids wearing the retail stickers on their hats long after purchase just as much as black kids. I can do a running tally of white-to-black kids with this problem to prove this point if it even needed proving to begin with. Glad we got the race thing out of the way early.

The issue is, Why do these people leave the retail stickers on their hat long after they purchase them? By retail stickers I mean, the size/dimensions of your head on a gold and black reflective sticker on the brim of your hat. A majority of these stickers are New Era MLB hats, just to clarify the exact instance I am talking about. Its enough they have even embellished upon these stickers with a sticker OVER the sticker to protect (?) the gold/black sticker underneath that just basically explains the new TECHNOLOGY used for the hat and that it is an Official “On the Field” Hat.

New TECHNOLOGY in a hat? The hat is made of a material, whether it be Wool (the older better models) or the newer Moisture Wicking Hats which seriously is worse because they do not conform to the shape of your head over time and DO NOT wick moisture out of the material. Bottom line for moisture in your hat regardless of the style is if you sweat in it, it’s going to smell like wet hobo’s underwear anyways. There is no way to protect your hat from the ‘hat smell’ that will accompany it with general wear. You can try to febreeze, Lysol or try to deodorize it any way you would like but it’s only going to add to the typical nasty stench that comes with wearing hats.

I digress; this whole post is about people who leave the stickers on the hats after they purchase them. The new sticker is simply adding insult to injury, if you want to know what new technologies are in the hat as the store clerk who is knowledgeable about the hats or simply look on the manufactures website. Now that I solved that problem of having to keep that sticker on your hat or at all in your possession you may now take that sticker off the hat.


Now that we are down to just two stickers, the gold/black hat size sticker and the Authenticity sticker are the only stickers left on the hat. Now why do you need to keep the gold/black hat size sticker on your new hat? The only answer I could possibly fathom from someone is, I want to remember what size hat I am for future hat purchases. The answer to that question is simple, look on the inside of the hat you idiot. On the base of the hat where no one can see unless you take it off is the size of the hat you’re wearing. Yes, they have included this ever since they started making fitted hats. I have NEVER seen a hat without this stitched into the inside label of the hat. The whole world shouldn’t have to see a big sticker on the brim of your hat telling everyone that you have a huge fucking head. I already know I have a big head I don’t need the guy next to me on the train looking at my hat size going “wow he wears a 7 3/8 hat that kids got a big fucking head” it’s just not needed at all. Now take that stupid gold/black sticker off the brim of your hat which now will reveal the hat you purchased in the glory it was intended.

That leaves us with one sticker left which is the small hologram sticker underneath the brim of the hat showing its authenticity. The only logical argument for having so many stickers on your hat is to prove to everyone that your hat is authentic. First of all if someone is going to make fun of you because your hat is not proven authentic they need to get punched in the face real quick, so do so when they bust your balls. If you want to prove to those select idiots (whom I have yet to meet ever) keep the hologram sticker on the bottom / underneath of the brim to show to them. That is the ONLY sticker you can get away with keeping on the hat in my book, and even then you still look like a tool for not pealing it off.

In conclusion, you look like an absolute moron if you have stickers on your new baseball hat and everyone knows it because you are displaying it for everyone to see. It is not a style, it is not a trend, it is pure stupidity and downright takes away from the presentation of your nice hat. Do everyone a favor and yourself and just take the stickers off. Now if you have a straight up ugly hat, with dollar sign patterns all over basically masking the hats team , well then I don’t have an answer for you. Do us all a favor though and jump in front of the next train that is coming and raise the IQ level of the rest of the world.

UPDATE: I went to the Movies last night to see Transformers 2 and saw 3 white kids in the same theater all in different groups sitting in different places all suffering from this problem of not removing the stickers from there hat. I just want to reach over rip it off and go “Oops, you left it on there. I fixed it for you.”

1 Comment

One Response to “GMG: Why Do you Leave the Stickers on your Hat?”

  1. Justin says:

    They’re clearly poor, so they’re trying to flaunt their only investment. Too bad they dont realize it’s not a price tag… haha nice rant. This cracked me up.