The Baby Saftey Picture Debate
This debate is between John and I about what these pictures really mean to us rather then them showing kids morbidly about to die. John has a different view then I in each of these pictures so read our takes on it.
Brian:Ok, This baby is definitely dead. Find a stick and poke him cause he is down for the count. Most of these look like baby suicide so I’m going to give a back story. Little Petey “the pillow suicide kid” was born into a broken home. Father was a drug abuser and his mother was a whore. The breast milk coming out of her mothers boobs was being sold on the black market for cash so they could keep there house in the projects. He was malnourished. Always being hungry and depressed he decided once he had the chance he would do it. His whore of a mother plopped him down on the pillow .. he pulled a turn maneuver while his mom was blowing the landlord for rent and bam Petey is sipping on the sweetest boobie juice in heaven. Well played Petey.. Well played.
John:Very Clever Brian and Impressive CSI work I might add…however I believe little Petey is mearly just in an alcohol ladden coma….See let me paint this picture for you….Petey was hanging out with his homeboys getting there drink on at the local Toddler Hot spot and open arrival Petey and the crew were already a bit sauced up from the pregaming party that had currently insued…And we all know that going to a bar, not a little hammered can add up to hurt the penneys in your pocket….so Petey was no fool….But he hit spot hard and was drinking heavily….He was getting down to business and he even ignored the advice of his boys and hit the bar harder…After his 15th Similac he was SAUCED UP like a champion….so he was about to leave but then another renegade crew of tots came into his face and started a squabble and we know Petey at this point had some “drinking Muscles” so Petey decided to take on 5 other little babies and lets say Petey was not successful…however after the fight Petey called the Yellow cab company for a ride home and then from there Petey stumbled into what he thought was his bed but rather his dogs sleeping bed….where Petey camped out for the night because of his drunken stuper….So you see Brian this is just a photo illustrating the harsh reality of Baby Drinking….Petey is the Victim of the SIMILAC SLURS…..Sweetdreams Petey, Your going to have a rough morning tomorrow…..
Brian:Now this baby Is just plain and simple trying to play hide and seek. He is merely finding the best spot for his size. Have fun trying to find him when he finally gets to his spot inbetween the wall and the bed. Um, but i hope to god someone hears him when he needs to get out or there is going to be a dead baby carcus stinking up the room on the side of someones bed. Bad News Baby!
John:Yea this Baby is not dead at all….This baby has fallen Victim to the fact he probably was watching TV and Dropped the Remote On the side of the bed closest to the wall…and I dont know about anyone else but instead of moving the bed to retrieve the remote we try and Cram ourselves into impossible places in order to retrieve the Sacred Remote….So this baby was getting his TV on and mearly lost track of where is remote actually was and simply was trying to retrieve said remote…..Hey Flavor of Love was probably on and he wanted to get to the channel the fastest so he made a hastey move in trying to retrieve it….Ive seen this a thousand times….Just another casualty in the face of the lost remote….God Bless you Tv BABY
Brian: I’m not even going to describe what happened here. Someone get this kid help right now, only if his neck hasn’t snapped already. This is another suicide baby. If there was a baby Saddam Hussein this is how he would be executed. Who ever the parents of this kid are .. jail is in your future. Watch ya damn kid!
John:Yea this Baby is dead……MOVING ON!!!
Brian: Obviously who ever put the big red cross sign through this one isn’t an advocate for secrecy. This kid obviously just either got an important document that he doesn’t want others to see or got a letter from a mistress that he has to hide from the misses. Let him destroy the evidence dammit. But no your just scared of his lil baby fingers that look so delicious you want to eat em .. getting stuck in the blades of the shredder and making baby spaghetti. Let him do what he’s got to do.. jeez.
John:This Baby obviously was downloading pictures of other Tots Nude and the Fbi caught wind of his scam…So this baby mearly was trying to extracate the Photos he had downloaded in order to avoid federal Inditment…Now this is a trick the FBI has put out in order to stop the Nude Tot underground syndicate that has been flourishing in certain parts of the country….Paper Shredder baby…You should BE ASHAMED!!
Brian:Yet another suicide baby. OR is it a screen clip for an infomercial for “baby saftey butter”. You know when your kid gets his big old watermelon head stuck in between the stairway railings or just like this picture his baby crib. Take a big old heaping handful of ‘Baby Saftey Butter’ glob it all over the kids head so it looks like he was just born again and pull as hard as you can. He is going to cry a little but that just means pull harder he wants to get out. If his head pops off .. umm.. get the document shredder and start making baby spaghetti again. John you wanna patent “Baby Saftey Butter” ?
John:Brian obviously this kid is in some serious training for the world strongest man competition….The baby was trying to lift his crib to get the full workout he needed….However he could not find the leverage to do so….So then the baby decided the best way to gain leverage was by putting some of the crib weight on to his neck/shoulder area in order to lift the crib….Get your swell on mongoloid baby and make the US proud in about 20 years when your eligable for competition…..
Brian: If you have told this kid once you have told him a million times stop fucking around while your in your play pen. Even though he looks like a big salmon caught in a fisherman’s net wiggling around to get free, let him be. He has to learn a lesson. I bet you that is the last time he is going to try to play bounce off the ropes in wrestling while he is in his crib.
John:Brian I concur with this last picutre however if you see the Toddlers hair it looks awfully a lot like that of wrestling legend Jimmy “Super Fly” Snucka…This photo is precisely that of Jimmy just perfecting his craft at a young age…You think greatness happens overnight? NAY NAY….He had to do work and now look at him…One of the most prolific wrestlers ever….Hats off to you Baby SNUCKA…..Inspiring babies out there to use there play pens as a tool of athleticsim rather that a penatentry….
In conclusion:Overall, these babies are mearly just images of Greatness, Tragedy and Other such things…May the babies across america stumble upon this page and view at there own leisure the Risk and Rewards for being so Young……GOD BLESS EVERYONE….Except for baby Image Number 3 you satanic mother fucker….Rot in Hell