It’s been quite a while since I have gone off on a rant about one of the million things that bother me with this world we live in. I am not a whiney bitch; instead I keep to myself and converse with friends about things and relate to each other about the topic. Now this topic might as well be biggest unsolvable mystery of them all, and I think I have an answer.
Why do people leave the retail stickers ON their hats?
Before you start thinking it’s a ‘black’ thing, seriously it’s not. I would have to say I see an equal to maybe even greater amount of white kids wearing the retail stickers on their hats long after purchase just as much as black kids. I can do a running tally of white-to-black kids with this problem to prove this point if it even needed proving to begin with. Glad we got the race thing out of the way early.
The issue is, Why do these people leave the retail stickers on their hat long after they purchase them? By retail stickers I mean, the size/dimensions of your head on a gold and black reflective sticker on the brim of your hat. A majority of these stickers are New Era MLB hats, just to clarify the exact instance I am talking about. Its enough they have even embellished upon these stickers with a sticker OVER the sticker to protect (?) the gold/black sticker underneath that just basically explains the new TECHNOLOGY used for the hat and that it is an Official “On the Field” Hat.
New TECHNOLOGY in a hat? The hat is made of a material, whether it be Wool (the older better models) or the newer Moisture Wicking Hats which seriously is worse because they do not conform to the shape of your head over time and DO NOT wick moisture out of the material. Bottom line for moisture in your hat regardless of the style is if you sweat in it, it’s going to smell like wet hobo’s underwear anyways. There is no way to protect your hat from the ‘hat smell’ that will accompany it with general wear. You can try to febreeze, Lysol or try to deodorize it any way you would like but it’s only going to add to the typical nasty stench that comes with wearing hats.
I digress; this whole post is about people who leave the stickers on the hats after they purchase them. The new sticker is simply adding insult to injury, if you want to know what new technologies are in the hat as the store clerk who is knowledgeable about the hats or simply look on the manufactures website. Now that I solved that problem of having to keep that sticker on your hat or at all in your possession you may now take that sticker off the hat.
Now that we are down to just two stickers, the gold/black hat size sticker and the Authenticity sticker are the only stickers left on the hat. Now why do you need to keep the gold/black hat size sticker on your new hat? The only answer I could possibly fathom from someone is, I want to remember what size hat I am for future hat purchases. The answer to that question is simple, look on the inside of the hat you idiot. On the base of the hat where no one can see unless you take it off is the size of the hat you’re wearing. Yes, they have included this ever since they started making fitted hats. I have NEVER seen a hat without this stitched into the inside label of the hat. The whole world shouldn’t have to see a big sticker on the brim of your hat telling everyone that you have a huge fucking head. I already know I have a big head I don’t need the guy next to me on the train looking at my hat size going “wow he wears a 7 3/8 hat that kids got a big fucking head” it’s just not needed at all. Now take that stupid gold/black sticker off the brim of your hat which now will reveal the hat you purchased in the glory it was intended.
That leaves us with one sticker left which is the small hologram sticker underneath the brim of the hat showing its authenticity. The only logical argument for having so many stickers on your hat is to prove to everyone that your hat is authentic. First of all if someone is going to make fun of you because your hat is not proven authentic they need to get punched in the face real quick, so do so when they bust your balls. If you want to prove to those select idiots (whom I have yet to meet ever) keep the hologram sticker on the bottom / underneath of the brim to show to them. That is the ONLY sticker you can get away with keeping on the hat in my book, and even then you still look like a tool for not pealing it off.
In conclusion, you look like an absolute moron if you have stickers on your new baseball hat and everyone knows it because you are displaying it for everyone to see. It is not a style, it is not a trend, it is pure stupidity and downright takes away from the presentation of your nice hat. Do everyone a favor and yourself and just take the stickers off. Now if you have a straight up ugly hat, with dollar sign patterns all over basically masking the hats team , well then I don’t have an answer for you. Do us all a favor though and jump in front of the next train that is coming and raise the IQ level of the rest of the world.
UPDATE: I went to the Movies last night to see Transformers 2 and saw 3 white kids in the same theater all in different groups sitting in different places all suffering from this problem of not removing the stickers from there hat. I just want to reach over rip it off and go “Oops, you left it on there. I fixed it for you.”
Submitted by Brian
Welcome to yet another installment of “What Really Grinds My Gears”. Yeah, seems to be lately that DirtyDalerz.com has become a place to bitch and moan. Oh Nay Nay, it has definitely not. Just seems to be pure luck two posts are back to back rants. I digress, our topic today ‘The annoying people who celebrate there 21 st Birthdays at the bar’.
I have thought about writing about this topic many of times but not until recently. I was sitting at my local favorite watering hole The Nutty Irishman Farmingdale, when two girls come up to me and I get a shoulder tap. I’m sitting there enjoying a nice conversation with my friend CONNERS while these two girls stop me mid-conversation. If I don’t know you, you’re a girl and I’m talking to someone face to face and you still feel the need to speak with me please make it more important then what happen next. Ok, so the shoulder tap happens and I spin to my left and there are two good-looking girls there so naturally this does not irk me and respond “Hi, what’s up”. The girls instead of starting off with the usual “hello, my name is (insert name), How are you doing” it starts off with “I think you should buy my friend a shot”. I counter with “Why?” because I would like to know why I am spending my hard earned money on some random drunk girl. She recants with “Because its her 21 st birthday, (drunk girl screechy voice) WHoOoOoOoO!”. I look at CONNERS as if I just heard someone say “excuse me buy me a shot its my friends birthday then we are going to probably leave and try this on some other dumb guy” oh wait I DID just hear that come out of some girls mouth, maybe not so deliberately but it was pretty close.
I reacted like this “How about you start off with telling me your name and talking before you demand shots”. One of the girls then decides to make the ‘Ewe’ face like I just ripped ass after eating Taco Bell. Apparently this was too hard to ask of the girl who’s birthday it wasn’t. I then get into a little conversation with the birthday girl and ask just the basics ‘name, what she does, what spots on her body would she like me to cum on when I pull out (jk)’. I politely let her know since I really don’t know her that I’ll buy her a drink later if she finds me. She chalks it up as a ‘semi-win’ if she remembers my face later at all, which I doubt because I then see them no more then 25 minutes later trying the same old song and dance on another guy then walking away from him. To you Miss ‘I just turned 21 buy me a shot’ go kill yourself. Let me teach you something you learn with age, your supposed to pre-game before you get to the bar so just in case that whack line of “its my birthday” (god only knows if it really was) that you think is going to work on smart older guys at the bar you have another thing coming.
Only Hours after she solicited me for a shot
Next is the Birthday hoe train that comes into the bar absolutely plastered out of their mind. This group can be easily identified when the birthday girl is wearing a tiara that states “It’s my 21 st Birthday”. Yeah, you know the one they give you when you turn 2-3-4 and maybe 5 years old as a girl. Listen, You look stupid and ridiculous. Why must you need a crown to celebrate your birthday? Are you the Queen of all birthdays for this day? No, you are not there are plenty of other plastered girls out there who aren’t wearing tiara’s (who probably look better then you) but have enough respect for themselves to not look like a moron. Do me a favor just take the stupid tiara off after you come from the strip club with your girlfriends oh and on top of that the penis straws could stay at the club too. No need to drag them around all night and put them in every drink you drink unless you a really are going to have a dick in your mouth at the end of the night. Don’t get me wrong I would love to supply the dick but you look like a whore. And in that case my myspace is here. (jk) (No seriously my myspace link is right here). Your tiara is just a dead giveaway.
There is also another myth that if you just turn 21 that automatically that gives you the right to go up on stage and dance like its ‘freestyle time’ at the Soul Train. This is totally FALSE. There is a dance floor for a reason, you are not a celebrity of the night by turning 21 nor will you probably be ever so join the rest of the peasants on the dance floor and drop your 5th beer on the ground for the night instead of up on stage. ONLY EXCEPTION to this rule is, if your going to show us your cans or where babies come from. Either, or of the two are the only exceptions.
Text to eachother prior: “
Omg Jill .. hrry MS pix in B-room ASAP“
Now this is not a 21st birthday thing but I think all girls suffer from this problem. Going to the bathroom to have a photoshoot. There are tons of pictures on myspace of girls at a bar/club taking pictures wit eachother in the bathroom .. on the sinks .. in the stalls. Honestly the only picture I want to see is of you either puking or you taking a piss. I’m not really into the water sports but its better then you on top of the sink with an empty Bud Light bottle trying to put on your best ‘im sexy pursed lips pose’ but in all actuality your really putting on your ‘Oh I’m not making it till 1am and I’m so throwing up all over my covers pose’. As a dude if he would go into the bathroom with his boys and have a little photo sesh? You would get punched in the face on the spot. Girls take note from the guys .. get in there do your poops/pees and get out of there and if there are any paper towels left wash your hands (lol). Oh on the way out .. check your feet cause you probably have some toilet paper stuck to your shoe. Yes you will look retarded walking around with a tiara an empty bud light and a foot long sheet of charmin hanging off your shoe. Do us a favor check your feet before you leave the bathroom, because chances are when you take it off outside the bathroom someone else will be stuck with your chore of picking up toilet paper off the ground.
Don’t e-mail me or message me on myspace saying that “oh brian your just jealous or stop hating” because you know what I’m just stating the truth and if someone wants to contest it fine write me and i’ll post it here. This is more like me just stating the obvious of what everyone else is thinking in the bar so just take it as a helpful hint when celebrating your 21 st birthday you up-and-comers.
(John gets semi-credit for content in this article)
Submitted by Brian
