Dirty Dalerz Heartland Open Results
It was an absolute blast getting together and playing 9 holes of Par3 Golf with my friends for a beautiful summer night. We all had lots of fun, but learned a lesson. Bring more beer next time to stash in our bags while playing. We ran out of beer by the 4th hole on my team, but the other team wound up stretching it out to 7 holes with beer. Charlie wound up winning the whole thing, figures because he played on the Golf Team in college (gay). We all held our own and counted every stroke so there is no CAP to the amount of strokes counted.
Surprise golfer of the night was Steven who came in 3rd and seemed to be on the green after his first shot almost every time while racking up an eagle or two. The Shit-Show award for the most comical/drunk golfer goes to Glenn for being wrecked by the 9th hole and dropping his rented putter into the water because he thought it was as deep as the putt-putt waters usually are. He was mistaken, but in turn we got to dunk his drunk ass in the water to try to retrieve the club even though we found out in the end the guy running the course didn’t care.
Below is a video of everyones first tee shot, believe me your going to laugh at the peanut gallery jokes of us all teeing off for each other to see. If you would like to see pictures taken at the course click here. It was a great time all around, look out for our next outing, which will only be bigger and more of a shit show.
The New York Football Giants had a pair of 1,000 yard rushers for only the 4th time in NFL history. The Detroit Lions gained the title of the only team in NFL history to lose 16 games in a season. Ed Reed of the Baltimore Ravens broke his own NFL held record for longest interception return with a 108 yarder against the Eagles. 
And then the near miss at NFL greatness by Drew Brees who fell only 16 yards short of the most yards thrown for in an NFL season held by none other then the great Dan Marino. (insert Pick of Dan Marino side by side with Drew Brees) But only 12 teams made it to the Playoff Plateau and from here a true champion will be crowned.
NFC –
The NFC this year was the conference that stood out the most. With the World Champion New York Giants (12-4) taking hold over the number 1 seed and solidifying home field advantage throughout the entire playoffs, and the Carolina Panthers (12-4) grabbing hold of the number 2 seed to get a first round bye. However, the trend between these two top tier NFC teams was the imposing ground attacks both displayed. The Giants have the Earth, Wind and Fire Trio (Jacobs, Ward and Bradshaw, respectively) that absolutely dominated other opposing teams run defenses.
Jacobs used his brute strength and devastating hits to really soften up the defense and then Ward with his great field vision, speed and great hands to catch defenses off guard and Bradshaw was supplemented in from time to time to really go for the “home run” against teams who just couldn’t catch there breathe. Now the Panthers had the Smash & Dash combo of Deangelo Williams and Jonathan Stewart to basically do the same. Where Williams chewed up defenses with his ability to turn plays to the outside and his elite speed to leave defenders tackling air. Where as Stewart is the prototypical goal line back who will never be denied from within the 5 yard line. Also these two teams have stingy defenses who absolutely take over games and make the life of opposing quarterbacks hell.
Also a part of the NFC playoffs picture are the Red Hot Atlanta Falcons (11-5) who being led by Rookie of the Year Matt Ryan have been making there place among the NFC elite known this year. Also WR Roddy White has made a name for himself this year leaving many people thinking he is a top 5 wide receiver in the league. The Falcons who are In a wild card match up against the Arizona Cardinals (9-7) who have one of the top receiving corps with Larry Fitzgerald and Anquan Boldin with sure handed slot receiver Steve Breaston rounding them out, are just absolutely carving up defensive secondaries. Also finely aged QB Kurt Warner makes this team a high flying thrill ride that could very well upset the Falcons if they are all on point.
Then Finally you have the Philadelphia Eagles (9-6-1) who have caught fire as of late after the 44-6 dismantling of the Dallas Cowboys. The Eagles have one of the best quarterbacks under center in Donovan Mcnabb and one of the best running backs when healthy out of Brian Westbrook. When these 2 are on top of there games they form the one of the best tandems in football. With rookie WR Desean Jackson as a top receiving threat on the Eagles Roster they could very well have found there swagger. However, the Minnesota Vikings (10-6) will try to put some water on the Eagles fire. The Vikings have the best running back in football in Adrian Petersen who can run, cut, catch, block and if they really needed him to I bet he could throw a couple of passes. The guy is the best back bar none in football and his yards he has put up the last two years bolsters this opinion. With a guy like Petersen toting the rock anything is possible and he could be the x-factor that pushes the Vikings to victory. Also with an emergence out of the receiving end of things comes Bernard Berrian and his fantastic speed up the sideline also Visanthe Shiancoe has sprung out of nowhere to become a formidable TE.
My personal opinion is that the Falcons lay waste to the Cardinals and the Eagles have a hard fought battle against the Vikings. Then the Panthers take it to the Falcons in the second round and go on to the NFC title Game. The Giants have a great game against the Eagles and emerge as the winner to play the Panthers. Now in the NFC championship game and a repeat of the amazing week 16 match up the Giants and Panthers, beat each other up and the Giants however take home the NFC crown thanks to the HOME CROWD help.
AFC-
The AFC was rather unusual this year with the teams that came out on top. The Tennessee Titans (13-3) make a case as the best team in football behind one of the best Defenses around. With veterans like Keith Bulluck and Albert Haynesworth stuffing the run harder than a turkey on thanksgiving, not many teams could handle the punishment these guys dished out. Cortland Finnegan totally shutting down opposing teams number one receivers they have proven to be maybe the top defensive team in football. However the Titans have a well rounded set of Running Backs. Chris Johnson the rookie sensation is just showing how he could possibly be the fastest running back in the NFL with his supreme field awareness he is a total asset to the titans success. Lendale White has established himself as one of the best Goal line Vultures in the NFL by racking up touchdown after touchdown in the red-zone.
The Pittsburgh Steelers (12-4) without a doubt are the best defensive team in the NFL with the titans close behind. With Troy Polamalu as the safety who hits people with reckless abandonment and also has some of the stickiest hands for a defensive back makes the Steelers have that amazing aura of your not tougher than us. Also with Linebackers such as James Harrison and Lamar Woodley gobbling up Quarterbacks like its nothing puts an absolute fear in the opposing team’s offensive lines and QB’s. However there Offense is just as capable with Roethlisberger slinging the pigskin and Hines Ward Receiving you never know when this team will go off on a tear.
Also for the first round of wildcard match ups you have the Indianapolis Colts (12-4) who have the best quarterback in football out of Peyton Manning just taking it to opposing teams. Manning is the best thing going for the colts on offense but with a wideout like Reggie Wayne and TE like Dallas Clark, a stigma for greatness is easily obtained. The colts are Okay on the Defense when Bob Sanders isn’t there but when Sanders is heathly they are really good. Sanders adds run support that no other safety in the league can. With two book ends out of Dwight Freeney and Rashean Mathis you never know how many sacks this defense could have in a day. They are up against the San Diego Chargers (8-8) who should not even be in the playoffs and I’m leaving it at that.
In the other matchup you have the Baltimore Ravens (11-5) who have a solid rookie qb out of Joe “Cool” Flacco and a nice running back by committee out of Willis Mcgahee and Leron McClain as well as Ray Rice. But the Ravens Dazzle on defense as always. With Ray Lewis, Haoli Ngata and Ed Reed they just lay waste to any and all offensive attacks. They are matched up against the Miami Dolphins (11-5). They are the Diamond in the Rough this playoff and will be a force. Chad Pennington has revived his career and is a true leader on the gridiron. With Ronnie Brown running the “wildcat” offense he can explode at any time and Anthony Fasano just making it look easy at TE makes teams wonder what they are really capable of. Joey Porter anchors the Miami Defense and Porter just makes offensive lines look stupid as he racks up sack after sack after sack. My personal opinion is that the Colts oust the Chargers sending them packing and Tomlinson can watch the rest of the playoffs on his vizio.
Then the Dolphins continue there streak behind defensive minded coach Tony Sparano and give Flacco headaches. Then I think the Colts play a tough battle against a stingy Titans team but pull out a win. And the Dolphins lose this game to the Steelers who turn the Wildcat into a Kitten. Then the Colts clash with the Steelers and lose on the power and presence of Peyton Manning and Co.
Overall, The Superbowl will be a “MANNING EVENT” and the two teams beat the ever loving crap out of each other just in time for little brother Eli to step out of Peyton’s shadow and capture his 2nd ring in as many years. I would love to hear some comments on this post and your own personal opinions. Let me know what you think by commenting below this post.
Well in 2006 “Team Dynasty” defeated “The Franchise” by two touchdowns. Last year was the first year of the Turkey Bowl Draft. “Team Dynasty” was represented by General Manager and President of Operations Adam Kruger, and “The Franchise” was represented by GM and POO Tom Cinelli. The 1st pick ever for a Dirty Dalerz Turkey Bowl went to Rob “I eat everything in sight” Romano. And that was to be believed as the first mistake that “The Franchise” would make…
The Most Valuable Player went to the #2 pick in the 2006 draft, Tim “screw you Tom for not picking me #1″ Treubig. The weather made it a very difficult for guys like John “MR. CHUNKY SOUP” Cinelli and Walter “Polish Sausage” Celenski to make their diamond like cuts in the grass. As the amount of mud puddles and rain increased the level of play decreased. As the level of play decreased Ryan “Yao Ming” Heller still managed to be 2 feet taller than everyone else on “Team Dynasty.” The tall bastard was able to reel in 3 TD passes from Tom “The Farmingdale Roger Clemens” Cinelli all due to the fact that no one could reach as high as him, once again I reinstate, he’s a tall bastard. But with the combination of Treubig’s 4-TDS & 2-INTs, Dennis “I weigh 150lbs soaking wet” Treubig’s 2-INTs, Daro’s & BC’s slot receiver type play, Matt “look who’s jacked now” Matt’s tackling ability, Adam’s golden arm and MR. Chunky Soup’s rushing touchdowns, Team Dynasty was able to pull away with a victory and the 1st ever set of Turkey Bowl Championship trophies.
2007 in Review:
In the beautiful weather last year the 2007 Turkey Bowl went on to be the longest game in its history. The game went into 15 overtimes so we decided to go with a stupid idea of Field Goals. (of course I think its stupid b/c I lost but still when you think about it we should’ve done it a totally different way) Last year, the winning team consisted of Rogers, Matt Matt, Bubba (sorta), Rob, Hilton, Tom C, Hizzo, & BC.
Tim “Blue Puke” Rogers went from spectator to MVP last year and his 2 TDs, even though not big in numbers but they were crucial to the victory. The biggest reason why he won MVP was due to him puking up blue gatorade during the middle of the game won over the voters. There was one upset pudgy guy among the voters though who thought that he should’ve been the MVP. He goes by the name of Robert Romano. Even though his team won, he was pissed that he wasn’t MVP, and to this day still is.
Through the brutal tackling that goes on during the turkey bowl, one of the favorites of the event was knocked the fuck out. Poor old Bubba took a knee to the head and ended up with a nice sized lump above his right eye. The final prognosis was a concussion which also forced him to have Thanksgiving with the Celenski family b/c he couldn’t drive home. Last year’s game also had the most spectators it’s ever had. I think the final count was 12 people. Among the record crowd was a voice that long island sports has been hearing for a very long time. Even though we were playing football, Mr. Celenski was still yelling “POKE EM” & “HIT EM WITH YOUR STICK!” This year we are expecting a crowd of 0 people b/c it will be fucken freezing out. I think Mr. C will still show up but watch from walter’s car and honk once for Poke ‘Em and twice for Hit em with your stick! Among the stat leaders last year were some familiar faces in Treubig, Romano, Tom C, & Adam. Treubig had a combined 7 TDs, Romano had 5TDs and both Adam and Tom had atleast 5 TD passes. As like every other year, the defense in the Turkey Bowl was fantastic and I believe the final score was 94-91. I think it was something around 12 TDs scored per team. Another year down and another turkey bowl in the books. 2008 is next!
2008 Player Profiles:
Tim Rogers AKA Cookie Monster
The man who came out of nowhere to shock everyone last year by being the 2007 MVP earned his nickname of Cookie Monster because of his episode of puking blue Gatorade in the middle of the game last year. He had two HUGE touchdown receptions last year to help his team to win but the bigge st factor still remains Jack Daniels. B/c of his Irish background this Mick drinks like a champ and only drinks Jack Daniels. He has been known to blackout so fast that he goes home to fall asleep by 10pm so that has the potential to help him but I’m sure we’ll be able to keep him out past midnight on Thanksgiving Eve. The 24 year shoulder injury is still a big concern as it was last year but he knows he has to play well in order to be in the MVP race this year.
Walter Celenski AKA “POKE EM” JrThe man whose motivation is driven by the words Poke Em is ready to battle this year to be on the winning side of the Turkey Bowl. As for solid players, this guy is among the best of em. He has played solid every Turkey Bowl for 4 years running. Unfortunately, his solid play every year hasn’t earned him an MVP yet, but this could be his year. Last year he started off the game with a 75 yd TD pass to Timmy Treubig and had key receptions throughout the entire game. One big factor that gives him the edge over the other players is his hot sisters, Stacey and Kristen. No one else on the field has two hot siblings like he does, even though rob comes close with Katie-Lynn but she is only one hot sibling and not two. He is only one that has been consistently playing football for the past couple years with his work flag football team so he has a huge advantage there. The injury prone Polish Sausage is ready to have a big game in 2008.
Tom Hind AKA Sloppy Asian
TOMMY HINDDDDDD!!! Tom is ready to play like he did back when he won the MVP in 2005. Despite his status of getting ridiculously sloppy when he drinks, I know he’s ready to play like he did in high school as a tight end. This could be his year again since its seems to be the Jets’ year as well. He has been watching the Jets win all year long so he’s been amped up to play for awhile now. If his dad sets up a tailgate for the Turkey Bowl then he’s screwed b/c Hizzo is known to become the drunk sloppy asian at his father’s tailgates, which will lower his level of play significantly. Another big factor that could lower his level of play is his living situation. Since his move into the city Hizzo has not been able to go out and have a football catch with walter like he did probably around twice a week when he lived in the dale. Those are two factors against him but all that watching of football will drive him to have a huge game to reclaim his MVP status.
Rob Romano AKA Silent Bob
Bojo is pissed. He is pissed b/c he wasn’t crowned the MVP last year. He had 4 TDs and is always an absolute beast on defense. The former Long Island Championship Defensive MVP with 4 sacks is ready to hurt people in the Turkey Bowl. Like Wally he always has a solid game offensively and defensively. The 2004 MVP is predicting an MVP kind of game in ’08. He is the only player who plays this game sober so he SHOULD be beating everyone and SHOULD be MVP every year, but he’s not. He now has a fur coat on his face that makes him look exactly like Silent Bob. That and the other 250lbs of him will weigh him down a little bit. Don’t be fooled by his box like figure, the kid can move and has been chasing perps for 3 years now and might just be in top shape. Watch out for this guy to crush people on Thanksgiving, and haul in a few TDs as well.
Richie “You Got Knocked The Fuck Out” Lieberman
Bubba might be the funniest Turkey Bowl participant ever. The first year he played he was so drunk still that he had no concern for his body as he threw it in front of Matt Matt while trying to tackle him. To this day it is still the funniest moment of the Turkey Bowl’s history. Last year though he was hurt once again by taking a knee to the head and giving himself a concussion. Bubba’s drinking is the absolute reason for all these times he has gotten hurt and all the reasons why he is also the funniest player of our time. He is not in shape at all and is still drinking like it’s his 21st birthday. Defense is the big part of his game because of the way he throws his body around. We have no idea what to expect from Bubba this year because he doesn’t even know what to expect. I’m hoping for some more laughs, which is a guarantee!
Matt Matt AKA Big Black
M squared is an absolute beast. The Brandon Jacobs of farmingdale’s Turkey Bowl. If you are close to the end zone all you have to do is give him the ball because NOBODY is stopping him. Nobody can stop him and bubba tried one year and got destroyed and since then no one has done it since. He’s fast and ridiculously jacked and can bench press hizzo’s car. On defense I mean he’s a freak of nature and if you have the ball and he’s running towards you all you better do is take a knee. If he hits you, say good night. Matt Matt is always ready to play and I’m not sure if he’s drinking or not the night before but either way he’ll dominate.
Tom Cinelli AKA Farmingdale’s Lance Harbor
The QB for all of our past turkey bowls will be in action again. He holds the record of being able to throw the ball the full length of the football field. His arm strength might have increased due to the fact that he’s in 12 softball leagues and guns the shit out of the softball from shortstop. Even though the football is bigger than a softball, the kid can straight up throw the pigskin. As long as he has someone that can catch up to his throws the deep threat will be almost impossible to stop. He may be working thanksgiving eve and if he is, its crap first of all, then he’ll be ready to go. He’ll probably throw for at least 7 TDs this year.
Brian “I wear wristbands when I go out” Cinelli
BC always is ready to play for the turkey bowl. The creator of the league and website loves this shit. He usually takes 306 pictures of the game but ever since Bubba dumped his camera in a beer 4 years ago, BC has lost the urge to take pictures anymore. Over the years not only has his production increased but the number of weird tattoos as well. With the 7 wristbands and headbands that he wears for these games he is energized to be the sleeper of the game. He quietly racks up the receptions and is always hustling on defense. When everyone else is hungover and throwing up he’s busting his ass to make a big play. Get ready to see a couple big plays from this guy this year.
John “I’M GONNA BE A DADDY” Cinelli
I mean the guy is gonna have baby boy soon so he’s full of energy and ready to make his boy proud. This guy is always a beast and just like Matt Matt if you have the ball and he’s running at you, you better take a knee. If he tackles you, you are screwed. They didn’t name him the Top Lineman on Long Island for nothing. Either if he’s on the line protecting the QB or running the ball the kid is tough to stop. No one is going to blitz on him, better yet, no two people are going to be able to blitz on this guy. He will go in the top 3 without a doubt. The Daddy-to-be is going to have a dominant performance on thanksgiving. Oh yeah, he’ll be sober too b/c he’ll be working, which is huge in this game.
Daro
After a dismal showing in 2006 Daro is back for 2008 to better his name for his Turkey Bowl Future. Daro was ranked high in the 2006 draft which he was drafted top 5 but played about 30% of the game because he was hung over and out of shape. Now that he has 2 years under his belt he is ready to flurish like he should. No more sitting on the sidelines taking a few plays off. This year he has assured me his best foot forward for whichever team picks him. Given he will be one of the people who will be absolutely sober on Thanksgiving due to working the Thanksgiving eve shift at the Nutty he will be in tip top shape. Expect many yards, points and tackles from Mr. Daro.
Glenn “I lost the game last year” Cinelli
I still blame Glenn for losing the game last year. Even though it was his first game with us I still give him 99.8% of the blame! (The other .2% goes to walter for throwing to him on 4th down) When we needed him to make a tackle, he couldn’t do it, when we needed him to catch a pass when he was wide open ON FOURTH DOWN LATE IN THE GAME, he couldn’t do it, and he missed his field goal chance in OT. The little bastard has had a year to improve his skills and get a little bigger. I have no idea if he did any of those things b/c I’ve seen him once since the game and it was about a week ago. I’m almost certain that he won’t be hung over but I mean all I have on him is last year’s game and his performance was poo. He can upgrade his poo status with a solid game this year. It’s called tough love Glenn, get over it!
Charlie Spahr AKA Minus 40
The kid has lost 40lbs. I mean he’s a new man and he’s full of energy and ready to go. He also quit smoking, well from the last I heard he has been smoke free for 4 days, which in Charlie spahr smoking days is 2 years. The one thing I remember from Charlie’s performances is that he always comes up with a big play; either it’s a fumble recovery or a key TD. I’m predicting a couple big plays from him now that he’s 40lbs lighter on his feet. Not sure what he’s doing on Thanksgiving Eve so I can’t comment on that but he may be working which once again makes him sober for the game.
Timmy Treubig
Timmy was the MVP of 2006 .. where he put everyone to shame with endless touchdown catches and tackles. He was on the Dynasty squad that was a force to be reckoned with and will stand the test of time in the Turkey Bowl Hall of Fame. In 2007 there was not a drop in performance just a more tightly played game between two teams. Timmy always brings the A-game after bringing his A-game to the bar the night before. He plays like a man possessed. Lets see if the MVP of 2006 can come back and take the crown in 2008 (maybe its an even year type of thing). None, the less .. his game is exciting .. just as exciting as his hot gf (lol, this was written by bojo) ((no it wasn’t)). Lets just see the stats of this years Turkey Bowl for Timmy Treubig.
Rob “Ron Crank” Frank
Coming into his First year with in the Dirty Dalerz sports teams, Rob has been proving himself left and right and impressing everyone inbetween. EXCEPT, for himself, I don’t think I have ever seen someone beat themselves up more in my life. He is worse then Carrie, hearing all those voices in his head. If he learns to shut them out and build up some confidence an MVP game is not far out of reach for this amazing player. He is out to prove something in his first year at the Turkey Bowl. Expect Great catches .. big gains .. and bigger tackles. A lot of promise coming from this player.