GMG: Why Do you Leave the Stickers on your Hat?
It’s been quite a while since I have gone off on a rant about one of the million things that bother me with this world we live in. I am not a whiney bitch; instead I keep to myself and converse with friends about things and relate to each other about the topic. Now this topic might as well be biggest unsolvable mystery of them all, and I think I have an answer.
Why do people leave the retail stickers ON their hats?
Before you start thinking it’s a ‘black’ thing, seriously it’s not. I would have to say I see an equal to maybe even greater amount of white kids wearing the retail stickers on their hats long after purchase just as much as black kids. I can do a running tally of white-to-black kids with this problem to prove this point if it even needed proving to begin with. Glad we got the race thing out of the way early.
The issue is, Why do these people leave the retail stickers on their hat long after they purchase them? By retail stickers I mean, the size/dimensions of your head on a gold and black reflective sticker on the brim of your hat. A majority of these stickers are New Era MLB hats, just to clarify the exact instance I am talking about. Its enough they have even embellished upon these stickers with a sticker OVER the sticker to protect (?) the gold/black sticker underneath that just basically explains the new TECHNOLOGY used for the hat and that it is an Official “On the Field” Hat.
New TECHNOLOGY in a hat? The hat is made of a material, whether it be Wool (the older better models) or the newer Moisture Wicking Hats which seriously is worse because they do not conform to the shape of your head over time and DO NOT wick moisture out of the material. Bottom line for moisture in your hat regardless of the style is if you sweat in it, it’s going to smell like wet hobo’s underwear anyways. There is no way to protect your hat from the ‘hat smell’ that will accompany it with general wear. You can try to febreeze, Lysol or try to deodorize it any way you would like but it’s only going to add to the typical nasty stench that comes with wearing hats.
I digress; this whole post is about people who leave the stickers on the hats after they purchase them. The new sticker is simply adding insult to injury, if you want to know what new technologies are in the hat as the store clerk who is knowledgeable about the hats or simply look on the manufactures website. Now that I solved that problem of having to keep that sticker on your hat or at all in your possession you may now take that sticker off the hat.
Now that we are down to just two stickers, the gold/black hat size sticker and the Authenticity sticker are the only stickers left on the hat. Now why do you need to keep the gold/black hat size sticker on your new hat? The only answer I could possibly fathom from someone is, I want to remember what size hat I am for future hat purchases. The answer to that question is simple, look on the inside of the hat you idiot. On the base of the hat where no one can see unless you take it off is the size of the hat you’re wearing. Yes, they have included this ever since they started making fitted hats. I have NEVER seen a hat without this stitched into the inside label of the hat. The whole world shouldn’t have to see a big sticker on the brim of your hat telling everyone that you have a huge fucking head. I already know I have a big head I don’t need the guy next to me on the train looking at my hat size going “wow he wears a 7 3/8 hat that kids got a big fucking head” it’s just not needed at all. Now take that stupid gold/black sticker off the brim of your hat which now will reveal the hat you purchased in the glory it was intended.
That leaves us with one sticker left which is the small hologram sticker underneath the brim of the hat showing its authenticity. The only logical argument for having so many stickers on your hat is to prove to everyone that your hat is authentic. First of all if someone is going to make fun of you because your hat is not proven authentic they need to get punched in the face real quick, so do so when they bust your balls. If you want to prove to those select idiots (whom I have yet to meet ever) keep the hologram sticker on the bottom / underneath of the brim to show to them. That is the ONLY sticker you can get away with keeping on the hat in my book, and even then you still look like a tool for not pealing it off.
In conclusion, you look like an absolute moron if you have stickers on your new baseball hat and everyone knows it because you are displaying it for everyone to see. It is not a style, it is not a trend, it is pure stupidity and downright takes away from the presentation of your nice hat. Do everyone a favor and yourself and just take the stickers off. Now if you have a straight up ugly hat, with dollar sign patterns all over basically masking the hats team , well then I don’t have an answer for you. Do us all a favor though and jump in front of the next train that is coming and raise the IQ level of the rest of the world.
UPDATE: I went to the Movies last night to see Transformers 2 and saw 3 white kids in the same theater all in different groups sitting in different places all suffering from this problem of not removing the stickers from there hat. I just want to reach over rip it off and go “Oops, you left it on there. I fixed it for you.”
What the Yankees are becoming notorious for as of this season is leaving Runners In Scoring Position (RISP). They are 
At first your thinking, ‘Brian isn’t that a little harsh to say about these prestige politicians?’. Well let me ask you ‘Do you think these people really care about you?’. I will answer, ‘Not at all’. When it comes down to it they are doing an easy decision making job and getting over paid for doing so. You can argue all you want that it’s long tough hours and you have to devote your time TO THE PEOPLE. No, they do not do that. They have aides and assistants that do all that bullshit for you that are appointed by them because they helped them during there campaign. All those people who are helping him are hoping to one day be in his spot to earn that big paycheck for doing absolutely shit. Before you ge on me for the Palin Prostitute picture, I really didn’t feel like putting Obama or McCain on a girls body. I did though in fact get some pretty nasty looks while cooking up that photoshop on the train.
I digress; I have yet to talk about the key statement “Politicians are like Hookers”. Here is my comparison. Big companies who are basically called “lobbyists” seek out who ever will give them an edge when bills come around to give them higher taxes, bans on there products, or even stop them from outsourcing there product to other countries because its cheaper to use child labor. They get this politician in there pocket by “donating” money to there campaign. Basically a big I.O.U. for when they are in office. You grease the wheels of a politician who is going to be in power you will never have problems.
Example. You’re an oil company and the state wants to put new taxes on your importing of oil. There is a bill about to be put into congress to enforce this. Now if you spread the money around right when campaigning for those seats came around you’ll be fine because you just bought yourself a veto of that bill.
Basically, they paid the politician for him to get his spot to approve or veto bills that are in there favor. Politicians are these companies’ bitches. Do you not pay a hooker to blow you? You give her money and she performs her service for you, while in the end you’re the one who is happy and not the one with a sore asshole. I have seen it a million times. lol
That is what bothers me today about politics. Makes me kind of want to get into them to just bring some sort of honesty to it. Will I ever? Probably not, but if I did I would be that guy grabbing his nuts saying “Fuck You! You think just because you got a shit load of money to throw around I’m going to make my decisions based on what benefits you. I’m solely about the people, so suck on these NUTS!”.
Paid for by the Campaign of Brian for President 2008
But lets get down to it and have a couple of laughs. The #1 infomercial that has me pissing my pants every time I see it is – PROCEDE sponsored/endorsed/used/worshiped by none other that Giuseppe Franco. YESSSSS, Its all becoming clear now! First off, Giuseppe Franco alone is a scary looking dude. When I see him, I see the resemblance of a rat who goes tanning with traces of Snobbish Douche bag. Call me crazy but I think I just hit the nail on the head with that description. Ok, I could go all day with hatred towards this man but lets get to the real reason behind this post and thats the commercial for Procede.
It starts out with the camera I guess looking at the receptionist desk in, I can only assume is Giuseppe Franco’s salon, but the odd fact is that Franco himself is behind the counter, now I guess he could be answering his own phone calls and making his own hair appointments with his clients to give them the more interpersonal relationship …. But I doubt it. The funny thing is that when the camera shows Franco he is like in utter shock and disbelief and throws his arms out to welcome you into his shop. 
Ohhhhh that Giuseppe Franco is one SWELL GUY! Well then the commercial makes Franco’s Hair Salon look all Sassy and Swanky because its in HOLLYWOOD and shows that his clientele base is to be envied and this is my favorite part in the entire infomercial ::break for laughs:: out of all his “celebrity” clients he could of picked he picks none other then the biggest whack job every to roam the free world in GARY BUSEY?!?!? Are you kidding me? This guy is the epitome of a Psychopaths and yet Giuseppe Franco has him as his “A-List” Clientele. Lets put it this way, I go to a Russian Barber shop in town and there is more famous people that go there than Gary Busey. Fuck the guy who rummages through my recyclables is 200 times more stable than Gary “those can’t be my real teeth” Busey. Then Franco and Busey in the commercial do one of the most powerful man hugs I’ve ever seen, its a little too convincing for my taste. To tell you the truth, I bet you the director of the commercial (probably Franco as well) was like, “Hey Gary, can you give Giuseppe a welcome handshake or something,” and good old Busey probably went in for a kiss at first but then decided to tone it down a notch and simply lift Giuseppe up and give him a bear hug the likes of which have not been matched. I bet after the hug Busey slapped Franco on the ass and said “ill meet you in the showers!” LoL, as you can tell this by far is the best part of the infomercial for me.
The Infomercial, gets better I believe because then you get these testimony’s from guys who have said they have used this product and suddenly hair started to sprout out of nowhere. Let me tell you the before pictures of some of these guys is simply ridiculous. 
People who have gone through chemo therapy 5 or 6 times have more hair on there head than these guys. Jeeeez, is there any limit to my mocking? I apologize, i’m just trying to emphasize a point on how stupid this commercial is). They say how great it is and how it really worked for them but then you look on the bottom of the screen and it says *RESULTS NOT TYPICAL* case and point because the SHIT IS GARBAGE!!! and doesn’t work. At this juncture in the infomercial I just don’t know what to make of it, but then Giuseppe comes back on and says “My name is Giuseppe Franco (like that would matter anyway, and weigh heavily on me actually purchasing this piece of shit hair product) and I wouldn’t put my name out there if I didn’t 100% endorse this product”. Okay fine, Mr.Franco believes in this product and must know all about it and what not in order to put his ULTIMATELY HIGH reputation on the line for the world to see and hear. But NOOOOO he then follows up by saying “I have NO IDEA whats in this product or How It works….but it WORKS”.
Oh MAN Mr.Franco, give a nigga some rope and he wants to become a cowboy. JESUS! I give you a shadow of doubt and you totally fuck me over on this one. I thought maybe if you were putting your name out there at the risk of possible tarnish you would at least know whats in the product. NO! So Giuseppe your product could contain biomedical waste, or rat turds or doo doo juice and you wouldn’t have any idea but you know that shit works. WAY TO GO GIUSEPPE! Your the reason why the OZONE layer and the Ice Caps are melting. I don’t care if I’m over doing it but, I purely HATE YOU SIR.
On that note the rest of the infomercial is stupid and gives you ways to purchase the bullshit and I even think there is a free Giuseppe Franco T-shirt available if you buy like 4 dozen boxes. Well whatever. I hate Giuseppe Franco and I hate Gary Busey and overall I fucking Hate Infomercials but this had to get posted and it had to get torn to pieces……LATER
Love,
John
There is always that group of dickheads who seem to never want to move when you say excuse me and never make eye contact to acknowledge you. If you don’t know what I’m talking about .. YOUR THAT GUY(s). Since when did you take it upon yourselves to become the stone pilars of the bar? Unlike you I move around the bar talking to different groups of friends and saying hello. Sorry If you came there with your ‘boys’ and you marked off your spot accordingly without the inkling to move. I will give you a visual profile of this person(s). You have a smug look on your face like your going to grind on every peice of pussy in the place but fail to make any moves while grab assing with your boys. Unmovable you hold your $3 bud light close to your chest and bop around staring people down that pass by. I ask politely “excuse me” while you sit there and ignore me and not make eye contact. Thats when I take it upon myself to kinda put one arm out and push you out of the way ever so gently until you make eye contact and I now say smugly “excuse me, thank you” while looking you dead in the eyes as I pass. Thanks dick you made my night at the bar that much entertaining douche bag. Go back to standing next to the bar downing Jager bombs with your boys playing ‘lets get so fucked up girls don’t want to speak/dance with us’. Piece of advice .. pace yourself drinking .. move around a little bit and the girls will come as the night goes on. Instead you sit there and do the latter .. then at the end of the night when your jerking yourself off to your own ass in the mirror while I’m plowing a hot girl in my bed and spent no money on her drinks while you paid my freight thinking buying girls drinks is going to win you the battle. Hats off to you.
Then there is the guys/girls who think they are trying out for ‘so you think you can dance and believe they OWN the dance floor. Making it impossible for you to navigate through a big crowd because they want to ‘crunk’ on the dance floor. You my friend can go kill yourself. Ok, you might have some moves (in your head) but there is no reason to clear out room for yourself to do fucking head spins. By the way, people have been dropping glasses on the floor all night chances are 10-1 you touch that floor with anything other then your shoe your going to the hospital for some stitches Mr. Timberlake. I understand you go to a bar for music and the DJ .. but there is a time and a place for everything. When the bar is packed to the balls go drop some E and grind on each other until you make babies. Sounds way more logical then being a hazard to others with your windmill kicks.
The group of gossip girls who giggle and have had way to many apple martinis. They think they are being watched by paparazzi but realistically it’s there best friend screaming “MYSPACE PICTURE!” and “OMG my BFF JILL get in the pic and show me where your babies come from”. You can spot them because all the juice heads and druggies are buying them endless shots for the reason of taking them home. Chances of taking home one of those girls who come in a pack .. slim to none. If you have ever watched the Dave Chappelle “great moments in hookup history” there is no way to take one of these girls home because they made a pact at the beginning of the night to “go home together” like its a fucking lesbian orgy about to happen at there house. More then likely they will be outside the bar shortly laying on the concrete in their own puke. Avoid them. When you try to get past them they give you the pursed lips look and giggle and think there hot shit so they barely budge. This is when you move your drink around a little bit to make sure you spill a little on them so they feel it and move and say “what the fuck” .. then you say “excuse me babe i’ll buy you a shot when I come back around” they will gladly move after that. If they somehow come into contact with you any anytime after this incident say you have a twin brother at the bar and send her on the wild goose chase. These girls .. are bad news but come in boat loads.
Of course there are always the cooperative bunch who are just bar regulars and feel your pain. You can tell who they are because they give you the nod because they just spent 25 minutes getting to the spot that your at now. Give them the nod back and keep moving along you got friends to see. Thank you Ronnie “the regular” you are a gentleman and a scholar!
Every bar has the drug posse. They are probably one of the most easiest to spot because they are staring at all the pretty lights on the dance floor like a caveman who just created fire. Usually they are chewing on straws and barely striking conversation with each other. This group is a bunch of lost causes because not only do they not see you or hear you when you try to get by but the chances are they are in a coma but standing upright. You can usually just push these guys aside with no problem or altercation. When they do come too .. they usually go grab a water from the bar because there brain is about to explode out the top of their skulls. If you’d like poke em .. jab them with an elbow .. anything because its fun. You know how you have that grandma in the old folks home who has dementia or have that Robert Dinero disease from ‘awakenings’ they resemble them the most. Put them in a funny pose and see how long they stay there. Now get back on your mission to your friends on the other side of the bar you sicko!
No night would be complete without encountering the UFC hopefuls. They are the ones who feel like its there right to police the bar. If you look at them the wrong way they are going to make you tap out. With that said they are another group of guys easy to spot. Sporting there always famous ‘TAP OUT’ shirts with occasional sleeves of tattoos these guys are preying upon those people trying to get to other spots of the bar. They are smart too, because they set up road blocks every 10 feet from each other dieing to test out there new Mixed Martial Arts moves on the unsuspecting. I would say avoid them at all costs before they put you in an arm bar and make you feel like your arm is caught in a newspaper press. They are easy to spot so take caution. Oh another way to spot them is look for the guys all jacked up on Red Bull and assorted schnapps, yes that is them.
Not trying to get all racist here but I have to point out these select few people. Since this is done out of comedy and most of these groups are white people I have to share the wealth. The ethnic crowd that keeps to them selfs. Usually these guys are preying on the girls who sneak into the bar and are underage trying to woo them with there soldier boy dance. If you don’t know what I’m talking about then I guess your retarded. They rarely buy drinks because quite honestly they don’t want to drink. They just want to grind up on some ass to earn some credit from there boys for harassing poor girls. Not all ethnic crowds are like this but use your own judgment. They won’t move either. You could be the pope or P. Diddy they wont budge. If they move they will get clowned by there boys and then your going to have a fight on your hands .. usually 100 on just you. If you were the paperboy in the popular Nintendo game you would avoid them like the random oil slicks in the game. Proceed with caution.
Your almost there so keep moving on!
Oh wait a fight broke out in front of you. Now you have to watch out for the Bouncers. You dont’ have to watch out for the bouncers they are there for your protection .. right? Wrong, they push anything and anyone out of there way. You can be a 5’2″ 110lb girl, they are going to TRAMPLE you! You have to keep a keen eye out for these guys. They knock you over or your drink out of your hand .. what you going to do? Complain? They are merely doing there jobs keeping the peace. Not only are they swim moving you across the top of your head to get to the rukus, they are stiff arming clothes lining and shoving randoms out of there way. Here is another video game reference to make it easier. They are the trucks and you are frogger. You get hit be them its game over! Plain and Simple. They are very easy to spot because of there STAFF shirts and mostly because there HUGE averageing 6’3″ or higher with a weight about 3x more then yourself. Stay out off the train tracks when they are coming through! (pictured is my little brother John he’s harmless I swear.. lol)
Well that concludes the people you meet along the way of navigating yourself through a packed bar in hopes of catching up with your friends before they even leave. Oh fuck! Its been 2 hours of trying to criss cross, zig zag your way through the bar? Yep, your friends are gone. No doubt about it. Well at least I’m still here to share a brew with you .. Drink up!
Wes Welker: Short of basically performing fellatio on the guy he has been key to me making the championship this year. I really didn’t go Running back heavy in my league and picked up Quaterback first with P. Manning, T.O., and Portis. I relied heavily on the WR’s. Welker on top of Tom Brady putting up a freakish numbers this year, Welker came out of the blue when most though Moss would be Brady’s only target. Welker as of Week 15 has hauled in 8 touchdowns and has over 1,000 yards receiving. Oh and guess what he was picked up in the 14th round by me. Talk about a late draft steal. After seeing him last year with Miami returning kicks and surprising people at WR I knew he must be mine. Hence why he is a BEST!
Adrian Peterson: Here is a funny story, there wasn’t a week or two that went by in the begining of the season that Uncle Neil didn’t curse himself up and down for not starting Adrian when he had great weeks. I mean pretty much every week he put up great numbers fantasy wise but the games be played against San Diego and Chicago (great defenses) he scored 3 touchdowns in each and ran for 200+ yards each game. As John would say he is the MAN-child. Adrian you are going in the 1st round next year in every draft so enjoy your offseason you earned it.
Brian Westbrook: Even though you probably went 1st or 2nd round in every Fantasy Football League no one knew you were going to have a better year then LT, Gore, Jackson, and Addai. You put up 1,200 yards rushing with 7 TD’s and 700 yards Recieving with 5 TD’s (by week 15). You were peoples wet dreams all season. If you were on my team I would of physically mailed you a letter thanking you for your production this year (and for your team not making the playoffs *i’m a Giants fan*). It’s too bad I hope you suffer a week 15 injury, just for the game not career or season. Basically because I am playing you in the playoffs but once again thanks for showing everyone that Fantasy Football isn’t all cut and dry with who is the best running back in the game.
Derek Anderson: Even though you weren’t even picked in most Fantasy Drafts you have improved I would say 110% over last year. I took you getting the starting spot by default and getting scared that the GREAT Brady Quinn from Notre Dame being drafted onto your team to step up your performance. That is my own grip with you. After your Week Two 328 Yards Passing with 5 TD’s (1 Int) game everyone started picking you up like you were the only slightly beautiful girl in the bar and it was last call. Derek if I was quick enough I would of picked you up but I probably picked up some loser instead. You didn’t tail off either you put up some amazing numbers all season and your trying to lead your team to your first playoff appearance since 2002. For that I salute you! Even though you look like a retard in this photo.
Earnest Graham: Now this is a Wavier Wire Wonder. He was sitting there for weeks until Caddy Williams went out for the season with an injury. Most people sat him on the bench until he put up decent numbers then broke out for after the Bucs bye week in week 11. You probably earned yourself a starting spot at RB or will split a carries next year. For every owner who picked you up has started you every week since. You have definitely solidifed yourself as a threat this year in Fantasy Football. You look like the guy I see begging for change every week when I get off the Subway on Chambers Street but that is neither here nor there. Congrats on making my BEST list.
BUST List:
Thomas Jones: You were supposed to have a break out year with the Jets. What happened? You didnt’ even score your first touchdown until Week 13 and has YET to score another touchdown since. Any owner who picked you up (me being one) is kicking themselves in the ass. Thank god I used you as trade bait with Brees (again kicking myself in the ass) for Frank Gore. Major Disappointment! Its pretty bad when your brother has 1 more touchdown then you and almost more rushing yards and he SPLITS carries with Marion Barber. You have left me with a bad taste in my mouth .. kinda like most girls I date. Just kidding.. but seriously. Thanks for being a BUST!
Vince Young: Seriously the WORST Fantasy Starting Quaterback. Even though you found ways to win and probably get your team to the playoffs. You did JACK SHIT on my fantasy teams. You not only helped me lose games but come on last year you were a beast. Madden curse? Well you didnt’ get hurt but you sure as hell sucked. I should of thought twice when picking you but of course I let your big name overwhelm me when picking a Quarterback. Vince I would rather of picked Jeff Garcia then you .. and that is terrible. Vince thanks for NOTHING!
Santana Moss: Other then looking like a zugg in your team photo you sucked this year. Having Only 1 Touchdown and breaking 100 yards only ONCE late in the season you possibly were the biggest let down in the WR department. You sat yourself out of a game because of your performance. What the FUCK! This is the NFL you are supposed to give 110% every game and if your not .. you just look to improve. You did neither. And basically I can tell you to go fuck yourself. I know Jason Campbell wasn’t the best of Quarterbacks but he was throwing your way most of the time. Jeez get your head out of your ass for next year please so I can pick you up in the last round where you deserve to get picked up from now on.
Alge Crumpler: You were one of the Top 5 Tight Ends last year and all you did this year was bitch and moan about Mike Vick not being there and your coach that it made him leave. Seriously, you had a shit year because of yourself. It’s not the Quarterbacks fault you sucked and couldn’t catch a god damn pass in the red zone. If you kept your head out of your ass which is a big head I might add you could of had a decent year at TE. But NO! You been sitting in the Wavier pool for most of the season cause you suck. You know its bad when Shockey has had a terrible year and he is still doing better then you. Alge do me a favor get into dog fighting and leave the NFL please. Thanks.
Bears Defense: Monsters of Midway my ass! You guys won’t even finish above .500. Don’t blame it on Quaterback woes. You did make it to the Superbowl last year with Rex “I’m so fucking” Grossman as your quaterback. Obviously the defense has dropped a lot from last year to this year. I picked you in 3 of my 5 fantasy leagues and dropped you basically halfway through the season. If Devin Hester didnt’ win games for you guys you would be in the same boat as the Miami Dolphins. Your my second favorite team because I love amazing defensive teams, and you let me and all of Chicago down. Have fun being the new Cubs.
Honorable Mention for BESTS: R.Moss, T.Brady, T.Homo, B. Farve
Dis-Honorable Mentions for BUSTS: R.Brown, J. Shockey, A. Vinitieri, D. Stallworth, D. McNabb
Just goes to show you how much Fun you can have with Fantasy Football and how much it can let you down. Well until next year Happy and Healthy Holidays to all .. and GO Giants!